


And Then I Kissed Her

by ladywongs



Category: Tokyo Ghoul, Tokyo Ghoul:re
Genre: Canon Related, F/M, First Date, Fluff, Kissing, Romance, Touken
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-28
Updated: 2016-11-28
Packaged: 2018-09-02 21:44:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8684509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladywongs/pseuds/ladywongs
Summary: “Kaneki wants to know if you’re free this Saturday night," Banjou said. It was hard to believe that today, for the very first time in her life, within a few minutes, Touka would have her first date with Kaneki.





	

**—o—**

 

Touka had no idea of what the hell she was doing.

For a brief instant, she felt like a teenager all over again, like an absurd chess piece that shouldn’t suppose to be on the board, a missing piece, out of place, pathetic as her hopeful heart. The situation felt more than surprising, even scary. During three long years, she stood firm in her own obstinacy, her pride enveloping her body like a snake squeezing its prey. But all of her plans went to hell when Banjou appeared right at her humble coffee shop very early in the morning.

She knew it, at the moment she stared at his kind eyes and easy smile; she knew immediately the reason of his undesirable visit. Banjou was her friend, of course, but that didn’t change the fact that Touka found his visit to be extremely undesirable. Not because she despised his presence or because there was a major problem with him, but his visit carried with it a request, a request that Touka was unsure of being able to find an answer.

Banjou entered the shop, asked for a cup of coffee, smiled with tenderness and nodded firmly.

“Kaneki wants to know if you’re free this Saturday night.”

Touka never thought this day would actually come.

She remembered the scene clearly. Nishiki choking with his coffee, bursting into laughter. Tsukiyama gasping in dismay. Hori taking a picture of the moment, capturing their shocked faces and Banjou’s jovial smirk.

And Touka’s stubborn features, along with the rosy tint popping out in her cheeks.

She crossed her arms over her chest, tense as a rock.

“And why doesn't he ask me this himself?”

Banjou shrugged.

“Well, you know, our little king has been a little busy these past few weeks, but I know for sure he’s free this Saturday. It'll be better if you give me an answer soon before I leave, manager. He’s been acting a bit impatient these days.”

Of course.

During all this time since he came back, Kaneki decided to follow his ancient roots again, working here and there, requesting the help of his new—and old—friends. But this time, unlike the past, Kaneki managed to keep his old promise: to visit the shop once in a while. The excitement in Touka’s eyes at seeing him walk through the door of :re when she thought he would never do it again was overwhelming. It still is. And although she hadn’t had the pleasure to see him so often these past few weeks as much as she would wanted, the few moments they spent together were always counting with the participation of other people, conversations related to strategic moves and the future rebellion that was slowly rising from the dust, bringing fear and concern to all of them.

In fact, they hadn’t shared an intimate moment together since his return. And this could be the first opportunity.

She wondered if it would be right to reject his request. Very deep inside, she wanted to. She wished for her lips to part and spill out that stupid monolog she had been practicing in case of something like this could happen in the future, a monolog she knew so well as the worn out hallways of her coffee shop. Over the years Touka learned how to say no, to protect her heart from unexpected attacks, to remember herself that, even if she had waited for him, even if she welcomed him back with open arms… Kaneki was prone to repeat all the same mistakes from his past anytime soon. His unpredictable heart could abandon her again; he did it once, what kept him from doing it again?

She wanted to believe. She wanted to believe that he had good intentions, that things could go out differently even just for once. It’d be easy to close her eyes and pretend nothing else mattered, to open up her heart without worrying about the outcomes, but they did. Every hour, every day… all the time. And now Banjou was standing in front of her to disrupt her fears, a pacific life that was not pacific at all, only empty, like a man who lost his sight and now he must learn how to walk without being able to see his way, holding on onto objects so ephemeral as time, forcing him to stumble infinity of times against the ground, remembering his miserable reality.

And now the cure appeared right between her hands and Touka’s fear was more than scorching.

However, there she was.

It was hard to believe that today, for the very first time in her life, within a few minutes, Touka would have her first date with Kaneki.

Touka stared at her reflection in the mirror for the umpteenth time, moistening her fingers with the tip of her tongue to brush down some stray ends that poked out with electricity. She sighed, grumping in frustration.

“Fuck.”

She gasped, finally giving up, the stupid lock of hair flying in the air and coming back to its old position. She gave a few steps back, dwelling her outfit sideways. Jeans, boots, a white sweater and a green coat. Good, isn’t? She nodded, anxious as a little girl, and went back to the shop almost immediately, her boots bombarding the ground with throbbing sounds.

Nishiki was resting his arms on the counter, sitting on a chair right in front of Hori, who kept all of her concentration into changing the rolls of her camera.

“Hey, you piece of shit,” she called out, landing in front of his eyes. She sighed, trembling. “How do I look?”

The man turned around, leaving the mug of coffee on top of the counter. He re-adjusted his glasses a bit, giving her a whole body look, up and down. He nodded, tilting his face to one side.

“If we ignore your pig for slaughter face, I’d say you look good.”

Touka nodded, the tension of her extremities slowly releasing with a deep sigh.

“Nice. I’ll take that as a yes.”

She approached the counter, resting her elbows on the wooden table and taking away from Nishiki’s hands the mug he was just about to lead to his mouth. She drank a sip, while Nishiki’s hand was still resting in the air. He looked at her, irritated.

“Why in the world are you so nervous?” he replied. “It’s just a date.”

“Do you think isn’t a big thing?” she replied, grimacing and hoping the taste of coffee could calm down her nerves. “This is the first time we’ll be together alone after so long. I don’t even know what to say to him, every time we see each other we don’t know what to talk about, it’s uncomfortable.”

Nishiki stole his mug back, lazily adjusting his glasses again.

“Lemme tell you what’s gonna happen,” he interrupted, very seriously. And despite being Nishiki, during an instant Touka paid attention to his words. “Kaneki will say something stupid, as always. You’ll get mad at him and you’ll kick his ass, as always. Kaneki will feel guilty and will ask your forgiveness, as always. Then you’ll forgive him, as always, and everything will go back to normal. Your relationship with him is the most fucking predictable thing I’ve ever seen in my life, so get rid of the monotony already and tell him that you love him, idiot.”

She frowned, stealing the mug out of his hands again.

“Shut up, shitty Nishiki.”

Both jumped at the sound of feet hurriedly running through the halls of :re, and her shoulders jolted when Tsukiyama dramatically stood in front of their noses and from his mouth an intense shriek was heard. His eyes traveled to Touka’s body.

Even Hori turned her gaze away from her camera to stare at Tsukiyama, confused.

“Why the hell are you screaming?!” Nishiki yelled back, his hand placed on his chest due to the commotion.

Tsukiyama’s eyes never abandoned Touka.

“Are you gonna use… that?” he said, his eyes traveling through all her outfit.

Touka felt panic shivering down her spine. She got up, gasping, gazing at her outfit and then back at Nishiki, as if hoping he would have mentioned something about it before.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” she stammered, looking at her clothes, searching for a bug. “Is it broken? It’s stained?”

“It’s  _horrible!”_

Touka’s eyes squinted, gaze rising up to dedicate Tsukiyama a look that revealed pure hate. She clenched her teeth, her heart slowly detaching from the fright caused by that jerk.

“Go to hell.”

Touka leaned against the counter once more, ready to keep on drinking from the cup, however, Tsukiyama took her by surprise by encircling his fingers firmly against her arm, grabbing it with impatience.

“You can’t wear that, you’re gonna scare him. Dépêchez-vous! We have to pick something better,” he claimed, pulling off her arm and expecting to be followed.

Nishiki’s brows arched, giggling, and Touka gasped, trying to break off his grip, but Tsukiyama’s model hands were surprisingly strong.

“What the fuck are you—“

“Come on, let’s go!”

He took her by her shoulders, leading her through the aisle way to her room.

“Tsukiyama, Kaneki will be here in less than twenty minutes, I don’t have time for—!”

“Stai zitto!” his voice disrupted, adventuring into her messy room to open the doors of her closet and starting to pull out tons of clothing. Shirts, jeans, scarfs, bras, panties… Touka thought she was going to pass out, in less than two seconds her room turned into a gigantic mountain of clothing because of Tsukiyama.

“Tsukiyama!” she yelled, terribly irritated.

But he seemed to have found the solution.

“Voilà!” Tsukiyama grabbed a red winter dress with long sleeves, throwing it to her face. “Use this.”

Touka frowned when the dress arrived at her face. She caught it, giving it a quick stare.

“Do you want me do die from hypothermia? It’s fucking snowing outside!”

Who in the world would use a dress like that with such weather?

“Don’t be dramatic. Here, this too,” he acknowledged, handing her a black sweater and a scarf. “You should consider changing your wardrobe immediately, this is lame. I suggest you check out my fashion blog, you’ll be able to find many t—˝

“I don’t have time to check your shitty blog!”

“Rudeness! Come on, hurry up, and go to change!” Tsukiyama took her by the shoulders again and shoved her into the bathroom, shutting out the door and waiting for her outside.

She sighed, staring at the garments in her hands. She was going to regret this, for sure. Quickly she took off her current outfit to replace it with the red dress, the black sweater, and the scarf. Everything was too thin, winter whipped out the city of Tokyo and something very deep inside of her said that the lightness of her outfit was going to play her a trick, besides of gain the inquisitive stares of people around her. Who in the world would use a dress in winter, leaving a huge part of her legs uncovered? But the lack of time prevented her from searching for something else, and she didn’t want to make Kaneki wait for her that much. After three long years, Touka wanted for this night to be perfect.

She left the bathroom and sighed at the sight of Tsukiyama waiting for her at the entrance, leaning against the nearest wall. She ignored him, unsure, walking towards the mirror to look at her outfit, frowning. Tsukiyama followed her suit, smiling like a maniac.

“You look really good!” he affirmed, placing both hands on her shoulders. He looked like a fairy godmother. “Though you could look better, of course, if you had… uh, better quality clothing, but I think—˝

“I’m going to freeze,” Touka replied, trying to lower the edges of the dress a bit more, an attempt to cover her bare legs, but it was pointless.

“Stop being so inexpert!” Tsukiyama started to adjust her sweater. “If you’re cold, it is the perfect excuse for him to hand you his jacket. Don’t you know anything about dates?”

Touka clenched her teeth, enveloping the scarf around her neck.

“Anyway, why are you helping me with this? It isn’t something you’d do. Actually, I wouldn’t be surprised if you try to sabotage my night.”

He raised up his eyebrows, gasping, placing his free hand on his heart.

“Sabotage your night? Who do you think I am? I’m a man of honor, Touka. And you helped me a lot, I’m just doing my part.”

“Whatever,” she replied, minimizing the matter. “Hand me my boots, would you?”

He nodded, cheerful, and when he bend over to grab the boots lying near the bed, Nishiki’s voice made an echo through the hallways, screaming Touka’s name. Both paralyzed.

“Hey, Touka! Kaneki is here!”

Both, at the same time, gasped in surprise. She ran towards the bed to grab her boots, trying to ram hurriedly her feet into the pair, as Tsukiyama approached the mirror, fixing his hair dramatically. Touka got up, adjusting the zipper while trying to maintain her balance to not fall against the floor, maybe too rushed to get in time. Her nerves were eating out her guts.

“Touka!” Tsukiyama panted, turning around. “How do I look?!”

“Who cares how do you look?” she yelled in response, shoving him aside to gain her place in front of the mirror. “Fuck, my hair is a mess.”

He nodded.

“Yeah, it certainly is.”

Touka ignored him, taking her purse and running towards the shop. Tsukiyama, of course, followed her suit, trying to equalize—or surpass—her lingering walk. When both appeared through the door and found Kaneki talking very lively with Nishiki standing behind the counter, Touka knew that the moment was already here. There was no turning back.

As if lured by an outstanding magnetism, the informal conversation was suddenly disrupted when Kaneki ushered his gaze in Touka. He blinked, almost groggily, and a brief quietness scattered through :re. Nishiki was talking, mentioning something about how surprising it was to see him stepping into the shop after weeks ignoring the manager, about how selfish he had been at not suggesting dragging Touka with them into the karaoke last week, and a mischievous “Touka is extremely impatient for this date, you know? She’s been talking about it all day…” that Touka would have silenced with a punch in the face if it wasn’t by the way Kaneki’s eyes were caressing her. He looked at her in the way that beautiful things deserve to be observed, the things that require an ethereal time to be admired, as if everything around them is slowly stopping its natural rhythm for the simple fact of appreciating something beautiful to the eye, like a magnetism, a powerful force guiding their senses.

Nishiki continued on talking, however, his words held no meaning for Kaneki. His grey eyes stared at the girl standing in front of him, and the weeks he spent without seeing her suddenly felt too heavy, to extensive, seeing her right in front of his eyes felt like a breath of fresh air, new and pure air for a way too exhausting life. How could his body—and heart—have lasted so many days without seeing her? He was busy, and his mind was locked inside a place too far away for even making the time to step into the shop and hand a normal conversation. He suddenly felt nervous.

“… and then she thought her clothes were dingy and her expression was fucking amusing, if you ask me.”

Both blinked, breaking off the intimate bubble they were submerged in. Touka looked at Nishiki, terrified.

“Nish—ah, Tsukiyama!”

Touka’s body crashed against the nearest wall. Tsukiyama shoved her aside without putting too much delicacy and with a beaming smile, he stood in front of Kaneki, placing both hands against his own waist.

“You look really good, Kaneki-kun! I see you’re putting my tips into practice.”

Touka grumped, sobbing her shoulder and walking towards the counter, giving Nishiki a deathly stare. He smiled brightly.

“Oh, thank you, Tsukiyama-san,” Kaneki replied, smiling softly and scratching the back of his neck.

She opened the cash register, grabbing some cash.

“Why did you say those things? I hate you,” she whispered.

Tsukiyama started a very cheerful conversation with Kaneki.

“Don’t be so grumpy, it was necessary to break the tension of the moment. You’ll thank me later.”

 _I doubt that,_ she thought.

“So,” Tsukiyama turned around, looking directly at Touka. “Where will you guys go?”

“We’re gonna wath a movie,” Kaneki answered. “To be honest, it’s been years since I go to the movies.”

Touka sighed, walking towards Kaneki to stay beside him. She gave a dull stare to Nishiki.

“Yeah, what was the name of the movie again? I hope it’s good, the tickets were fucking expensive, you know?”

Nishiki nodded, adjusting his glasses and raising up a finger.

“'The Rebellion of the Mutant Zombies'” it’s a great movie, I assure you,” he looked at the hour in his wristwatch. “You should hurry, the movie starts in half an hour. And about the tickets, I was the one who got them.”

Touka crossed her arms, gasping in contempt.

“But I was the one who paid for them, you piece of shit.”

Tsukiyama and Kaneki traveled their eyes to Nishiki and then back at Touka, submerged in their little dispute. Hori wasn’t even paying attention, her eyes focused on her camera.

Nishiki frowned.

“You’re such a stingy woman.”

“And you’re a snotty-faced brat.”

The conversation came to an end when Nishiki placed his eyes quickly over Kaneki, with no intention of saying anything in particular. Touka thought he would go on with the debate, but Nishiki’s eyes absently glued on Kaneki caught out her attention. She frowned, confused, and looked at Kaneki.

He was staring at her. For the very first time since he arrived, Hori forgot about her camera to stare at him too. Everybody was staring at Kaneki staring at her. During an instant, Touka felt terribly uncomfortable.

What the hell was wrong with him?

“W-what is it?” she asked.

Kaneki wavered, raising his hand to slightly touch his own forehead.

“Y-You have… your hair…” he stuttered, and Touka knew he was referring to that rebellious stray of hair standing in between her eyes, unable to hold still without coming back to its place again.

She lifted up her hand, sighing in frustration with attempt to spare a few quick swipes of her nails through the lock of hair, but Kaneki caught her off guard when his hand traveled to her head before her, and his fingers traced a small line through her forehead, holding the lock of hair between his fingers and assuring it behind her ear, all of this without breaking the eye contact. Touka’s heart almost died, hanging in the deepest of her throat, preventing her from breathing properly, and both gasped when suddenly an intense flash shot directly towards their faces.

Kaneki inhaled, muddled, and Touka almost went blind for long seconds, covering her eyes with her hand.

“What the f—“

Hori was holding the camera right in front of her face; she put it down once the flash disappeared.

“Cute,” she muttered softly, then turned around again, as if nothing ever happened, and resumed her work on her camera.

The uncomfortable silence was disrupted by Nishiki’s laughter.

“Hey, we’re still here, you know.”

Touka made a grimace.

“Shut up,” quickly turning around, she grabbed Kaneki’s arm sharply and pulled it over way to the door. “Let’s go.”

Kaneki let himself drag by Touka’s persistent hand, turning around slightly to say goodbye with a small wobble of his hand.

“I’ll see you later!”

Nishiki nodded, resting his chin on his hands.

“Try not to get eaten again in your first date, idiot!” he screamed before the door went shut with a strong knock from Touka.

“I-I’ll keep that in mind!” Kaneki shrieked in response, shifting around to follow Touka through the streets of Tokyo, their silhouettes slowly disappearing into the dim.

However, Tsukiyama opened the door, resting the side of his body against the frame, staring at Touka and Kaneki walking away from the store, Touka dropping his arm once she realized she had been holding it for way too long. His lips curved into a sad smile, and Nishiki left the counter to stand beside him. He followed his gaze, watching as Touka and Kaneki disappeared after crossing out the street. Still, Tsukiyama kept on staring at the empty place both left behind. Nishiki frowned, contemplating sideways at the tall man beside him.

“What’s wrong?”

Tsukiyama’s eyes reflected certain melancholy, however, the spark in his eyes was unbreakable.

“I…” he said in a whisper, and his voice sounded so honest as a summer breeze. “I really hope Kaneki has fun tonight.”

 _He, more than anyone, deserves it,_ he thought.

Nishiki huffed, unsure of what to say. It wasn’t usual for Tsukiyama to be this sentimental.

“Are you going to cry?”

Tsukiyama smiled, sighing deeply. He turned over, facing Nishiki, and placed both hands on top of his shoulders. Nishiki shrugged at the contact.

“Of course not. What if you make me a coffee and we share a boys night, Nishiki-kun? I could make you a facemask, stress is destroying your youth.”

Nishiki pulled Tsukiyama’s hands away from his shoulders, disgusted.

“No way. If you want coffee, make it yourself.”

He entered the shop again, quickly being followed by Tsukiyama.

“But I’ll ruin my hands!”

**—o—**

Touka never thought that a simple movie night would turn into something as uncomfortable as this.

The travel was simple and without preamble, the streets populated in thick snow and the holiday lights of a past Christmas were still decorating the buildings and stores of Tokyo, as if time had frozen in a season that for everyone felt a bit bittersweet. The snowflakes that fell over Kaneki’s pale hair camouflaged its colors, and Touka thought it was cute. She wondered what would he said if she offered to dye his hair, it still seemed a bit odd to her that he would walk around the city with no fear of being caught when the whole CCG was looking out for him.

A sense of relief filled Touka’s chest when they arrived at the cinema, the place wasn’t far away from :re, and when they delivered their tickets and entered the building, Touka sighed in pleasure at the balminess of the heaters warming up her bare legs, it had been a terrible idea to sport a dress like this one, her mind was already setting up a thousand ways to get even of Tsukiyama for getting her use this current attire. Her eyes traveled to the people around her, buying popcorn bags and soda; her chest couldn’t help but being shaken by a feeling of envy, wondering if popcorns were so delicious as everybody said.

The true hell started when they got into the room and the movie began.

Touka never wished to kill Nishiki so much as she did now.

To begin with, the cinema looked depressingly empty with the exception of a young couple sitting right in front of them, passionately kissing during almost the first hour of the movie, their giant heads blocking a huge portion of the screen and the sound of their lips meeting was mixing with the wildly screams coming out from the speakers and it made the situation extremely irritating. The movie was a piece of shit as well and she didn’t doubt that Nishiki recommended it so eagerness, however, the couple in front of them didn’t look troubled, submerged in their own business.

Mutant zombies created by a mad scientist who started a rebellion to kill the president of the United States. What kind of shit was that? Kaneki didn’t seem to pay attention to the movie and the situation was becoming more and more absurd as time passed by. The cinema was empty and Touka’s eyes traveled from the movie to the mouth of that pair of strangers, frowning and snorting at the corny bunch of sweet nothings they were whispering between kisses. Between her constant stares, Kaneki’s eyes caught Touka’s, her lovely eyes beaming under the darkness, her hair sparkling more than ever thanks to the screen lights and during an instant his heart stopped, those strangers fade away and so the movie, it was all about her.

The one who cursed between whispers, trying to dodge the heads of the couple to get a better view of the movie. She, who sighed in frustration and constantly traveled her hand to brush away that playful tendril interposing between her eyelashes. She, who looked away rapidly every time the movie would show off a scary scene, feigning not to be scared at all. When Kaneki left Anteiku years ago for a thousand reasons she never understood, he destroyed her reality, and since then it was all about Touka and her coffee shop, Touka and her loneliness. Just _her_ , when in the past it used to be _both._

Both. Promises whispered under a foggy night way too far that Touka doesn’t even bother to seek.

_Don’t leave me alone._

_I won’t._

Nights in where her bed felt too cold, wondering if a thousand miles away Kaneki felt the same thing once. She wanted to believe that. She wanted to believe that he kept on thinking of her even after that terrible I must become strong—because it never was a want, a wish, an I hate you, or a goodbye. I must, must, must, a bewildered boy manipulated by the circumstances of his life. She wanted to believe that his heart also throbbed the letters of her name (ka-ne-ki) as many times she did with his. She wanted to believe that his indifference was also a ridiculous attempt to forget her, because not even that guy named Rio or the infinity of men who tried to date her seemed enough to fit the hole that Kaneki left behind after leaving years ago.

They began a song they always knew but they never sang, and now it was burning like fire inside their lungs every single day.

Kaneki kept his eyes slightly posed on her, and Touka ignored completely the fact that Kaneki was, probably, thinking the exact same thing. He didn’t understand how it was possible to remember so much just by looking at her for a few seconds. But that was Touka. So pretty and simple on the outside yet so deep and complex on her inside. Like a cloudy sky, where stars hide behind the storm but when the sky clears you can find whole galaxies, vast expansions of constellations united to create something perfect.

Touka gave a last glance to the couple in front of her, doubtful, and then at him. Kaneki was keeping his head against the back seat, and the butterflies tugged her tummy when she found his eyes glued on her face. Then, she laughed. Rosy-cheeked and with her dimples popping out at the edge of her cheeks, she giggled as her shoulders squirmed with little jiggles. She flicked up her gaze again. He laughed too.

Not with the same intensity, but his lips curved into a strange smirk that Touka knew it was a smile—smiles way too odd, smiles way too Kaneki—and the situation turned out to be even more pathetic. Then he knew, willingly or not, that both had nothing to do in there anymore. With his lips Kaneki gestured a slow “you wanna leave?” that Touka knew she had to consider carefully, stay still and evaluate all of her options. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea, what would happen once they’re alone? What would they talk about? Maybe it was better if—

Yes.

Controlled by her feelings, Touka nodded softly and saw relief in Kaneki’s eyes. Maybe he was afraid that she would refuse, maybe he was afraid that she would send him to hell for inviting her on a date after weeks without seeing her, maybe, maybe, maybe. Kaneki wished to be able to read her mind, even once. They left the cinema and Touka felt again that spark of adrenaline that she felt every time he was with her, that feeling of being doing something extremely bad that it was actually something incredibly good.

The streets were empty by the time they left the cinema and although the sky remained cloudy, for Touka was the perfect scenery, almost like the old times.

“This is the last time I let Nishiki recommend me a movie, it’s as if he did it on purpose,” she complained, ashamed, as they walked down the streets in silence. She sighed, crossing her arms over her chest. “I’m sorry.”

 _I wanted for this to be different,_ she thought.

But Kaneki smiled, looking at his feet as he walked.

“It’s okay, it was funny anyways. I think the movie was so bad that the room was empty.”

Touka grumped. Fucking Nishiki.

“Well,” she said, fearing the worst. “Now what?”

What if the date concluded right here? What if Kaneki says “it’d be better if we get back” and weeks after he would not even remember this day? Touka didn’t want to leave yet, they didn’t even finish watching the movie, not even two hours had passed since the date started, she didn’t want it to end so quickly. However, she couldn’t truly imagine any other thing they could do. Go to a restaurant? They were ghouls. Ice skating rinks? She doubted he wanted to do that. The pressure and awkwardness between them were more than obvious, sideways stares that were quickly falling into place and words stuck in their tongues that none of them had the courage to say. Too many things happened between them to even try to spend a nice moment together without remembering them, without bringing them out. The past couldn’t be ignored, especially when she felt that Kaneki began to avoid her company again, however, Kaneki surprised her with a small shrug of his shoulders, smiling softly.

“Let’s go get some coffee. Aren’t you cold?”

So Kaneki wanted to go on with the date too. He didn’t put an end to it, he had not run out of words, Kaneki wanted to continue.

Touka flickered, looking around. Her lips were quivering.

“U-Uh, well—“

Her body suddenly jolted at the feeling of something warm and heavy falling onto her shoulders. Touka shifted around to face Kaneki just to notice that he wasn’t wearing his brown jacket anymore, this was now placed on her back covering the exposed skin that her dress couldn’t cover. She stared at him as he adjusted the edges of the jacket around her body, and not for a single moment he looked frightened to stare back at her, so tall and somber. And handsome. Now more than before. Less kid, more man.

Kaneki jammed his hands into the pocket of his trousers and continued to walk forward as if nothing ever happened.

Kaneki gave her his jacket.

Tsukiyama was fucking right.

Internally, Touka gasped, falling into conclusion.

How could that bastard be right?

Kaneki kept on talking, but Touka couldn’t focus because of the feeling of his jacket covering her body, his fragrance of coffee and loneliness embracing every single part of her skin, the same smell she remembered, alive despite the years.

“I heard that there’s a new coffee shop nearby, they say it’s very popular,” Kaneki added, showing her his back as he walked. “Let’s look around and see if their coffee is so good as yours, but I doubt it.”

Touka softly traced the fabric of his jacket with her fingertips, blurting out a deep sigh. She still couldn’t believe that this was actually happening. Without saying more, Touka followed him in silence. Kaneki walked a few steps forward than her, both submerged in their own thoughts, maybe thinking and planning the accurate words to say later on, although Touka had no idea of what to say.

She started to notice that there was plenty of snow underneath them, and the path was filled with the shape of Kaneki’s footsteps. The silhouette of his feet where large bigger than hers. Tilting her face to one side, Touka began to step on his footsteps, her feet burying in the deep shape of his feet, one by one; walking the same path. She continued like this for long minutes, and as Kaneki couldn’t hear a thing behind him, he slowly looked back without stopping his walk; the image of Touka extremely focused on stepping his footsteps made him smile, she didn’t even notice that he was staring at her.

Kaneki turned around, and with a playful smile, he started to give long and heavy steps, like the pace of a titan. Touka grimaced at noticing that the gap between each step was becoming larger, she tried to reach them, but her legs weren’t very long and neither her height, so when she stretched her feet forward to reach out the farthest step, she stumbled with her feet, gasping, but Kaneki’s reflections were too sharp. He turned around almost immediately and grabbed her hand, helping her stabilize. Touka blinked, and felt the coldness of his skin against hers, his fingers looping around her hand to help her stand. She flicked up her gaze, trembling and not because of the cold. Kaneki stared back and when his eyes slightly traveled to her lips, Touka pulled off her hand from his grip, standing straight and regaining her composure.

“S-So...” she started, adjusting the heavy jacket onto her shoulders again. “Where is that famous coff—“

“Touka-chan.”

Touka held a deep sigh in the way he uttered her name. She was never going to get used to it. Never.

But Kaneki wasn’t staring at her this time. He had his eyes glued on the floor, looking a bit somber.

“Yes?” she inquired, hesitant.

Maybe he didn’t want to go to that coffee store anymore. Maybe he wanted to go home, maybe he—

“Are you angry with me?”

That question took her off guard. The silence settled in the street, the snowflakes gently falling upon them, and Touka noticed that the naked trees around them were decorated with tons of Christmas lights perfectly draped around the branches. It was a beautiful sight, and Kaneki’s silhouette looked perfect underneath the lights.

She shook her head, but the tone of her voice sounded a bit off for Kaneki to actually believe her.

“Of course not,” she said. “Why would I be?”

“I know I haven’t been around the shop lately,” he added. “I… I’ve been very busy, and although Nishiki and Tsukiyama were by my side, they were just helping me with everything else, the karaoke was just a—“

“Kaneki,” she disrupted him. “I’ve also been very busy, okay? You don’t need to excuse. Besides, it’s not as if I’ve spent the last few weeks sitting in front of the counter waiting for you to appear at the shop…”

What a fucking liar, she thought. During an instant, she regretted saying that, and Kaneki ushered his gaze on her again.

“I-I mean,” fuck, fuck, fuck. “It’s not that I didn’t want to see you, but I wasn’t desperate to do it, you don’t have to visit the shop every day if you don’t want to.”

“I want to,” he corrected her. His eyes flared with a nameless fire. “But… things are very complicated right now.”

She nodded, disappointment slowly eating out her guts.

“I know,” she admitted. “Everything is complicated now.”

“I’m sorry,” he apologized, looking away. “I… when I said I wanted to come back… I never thought it’d be this way, bringing out more troubles. I thought it’d be like before.”

Touka wanted to shut her eyelids. His words hurt.

“But you’re here now. That’s what matters.”

Kaneki didn’t answer, welcoming another overwhelming silence. Touka’s eyes fell on her own feet, thinking in all of those days she spent looking at the window, the excitement in her eyes at seeing Nishiki entering the store, an excitement that slowly vanished away when she didn’t spot Kaneki coming along with him. Again. It occurs to her that maybe he began to ignore her again, to avoid her presence whenever he could, however, why did he invite her to a date in the first place? Why the two of them, without bringing anyone else? He could have brought Hinami, or even Yomo, but he arrived at :re completely alone. He wanted to be alone with her.

But, why?

Touka flicked up her gaze and found him contemplating with adoration the decorations in the trees, a nostalgic smirk dancing on his lips, his hands still jammed into his pockets. Kaneki warned her curious eyes, so he spoke.

“I’ve always liked Christmas decorations,” he said, his eyes sliding through the lights. His pupils were beaming like fireflies. “They look good.”

She followed him, her eyes vaguely staring at the trees without knowing what else to do.

“Mmmh…”

Kaneki’s sigh changed everything.

“You know,” he spoke, and Touka looked at him. He smiled gently. “The past Christmas… I thought of you.”

Touka tensed.

“When I didn’t have my memories back,” he explained, his eyes swimming in an ancient memory. “I wondered what the waitress of :re would be doing. I came to the conclusion that maybe you were on a date, I think you seemed to me the type of girl who would be on a date on Christmas night.”

She smiled softly, not being able to hold back her emotions anymore.

He had thought of her.

Even when he didn’t even know who she was, Kaneki thought of her.

“Of course not,” she replied. “Dates are not my thing, I tend to drag boys to awful cinemas to watch boring movies.”

Kaneki smiled brightly, tilting his face to look at her. Both smiled to each other, and it was the most sincere smile they ever shared. Touka wondered if she could see him smile like this forever.

“The first time I saw you at :re, I…” he started, and the way he picked up his words made her skin shiver even when she had his jacket placed on her shoulders. Her heart started to throb so fast. “When I saw you and then I drank your coffee… even though I didn’t know, I think a part of me did know. It knew it was you.”

Touka’s hands quivered, her lips curved into a sad and small smirk. The wind wasn’t blowing around them, but she could felt her eyes burn. Hearing him talk like that was something she wanted for years. His words spoke truth. Because the last time they saw each other at the bridge, everything Kaneki said was a lie. Lie to protect her, lie to keep her alive, but his eyes weren’t showing anything but honesty right now, his hands were not traveling to touch his chin, there was nothing in between that could bring out more lies.

Not anymore.

“I also knew it was you,” she whispered back.

Kaneki’s eyes shimmered and not due to the Christmas lights.

“Well,” she said, looking around. “Let’s go to that store.”

Touka walked away from him and marched with the intention of cross the street now that there were no cars passing by. She went down the sidewalk hoping that Kaneki would follow her, however, she was surprised by the sudden grasp of his hand against her arm. She shifted around, confused, and Kaneki’s expression looked desperate as if he wanted to say something, as if he just forgot to say something extremely important.

Kaneki’s eyes dwelled hers, almost hesitating, and Touka parted her lips with the intention to ask. Why the hell was he looking at her like that? And why he had such a firm grip on her arm? She tried to speak, but words left her empty when she noticed Kaneki’s eyes observing her lips.

She paralyzed.

Was he…? Did he just…?

With a small sigh, Kaneki leaned towards her lips without any type of previous warning, he didn’t even seem to doubt, he just did it. Touka blushed, gasping, and before Kaneki’s lips could brush hers, she placed her hand quickly on top of her own lips, her fingers covering the sensitive skin and forcing Kaneki to stop in front of her. Touka’s eyes were wide-eyed.

“W-What are you doing, idiot,” she replied from behind her fingers, still pressed against her lips.

Her words came out too rushed and sharp, but Kaneki couldn’t contain the soft smile on his lips.

He sighed, eyes not daring to look away from her hand.

“I don’t know,” he simply said.

Then, he kissed her hand.

Kaneki bend over and his lips gently rested against Touka’s fingers that separated Kaneki’s lips, a small barrier that was not powerful enough for Kaneki to step back. The pressure of his lips against her fingers felt kindhearted, and all the cold she felt for hours vanished away. Her own fingers were trapped between their mouths, and though Kaneki’s lips were not directly against hers, she could feel the heat coursing through her skin down her belly.

Kaneki’s white bangs touched her eyelashes, the closeness of his nose touching hers… she never thought she could be this close to him before, when they spent more than three years apart.

He finally stepped back, but just a bit, just enough to patiently wait for Touka to give up and take her hand away from her mouth. When Kaneki leaned back, Touka’s heart throbbed furiously when he smiled at her. His lips arched into a sheepish smile, into a “look what I did, Touka-chan”, the type of stupid smiles he used to give her when she flattered his first well-made coffee, the only time she let herself congratulate him for something so simple as that. Little by little Touka lowered her hand, secretly wishing for more.

Because Touka would be lying to herself if she’d say that the kiss bothered her. It had caught her off guard, and she never thought Kaneki would be the one giving the first step. Both knew the type of relationship they shared, and Touka always knew that there was something else, but the circumstances were too cruel with them and slowly Touka’s hopes were falling apart, but there he was again, three years later, to remind her that not everything was lost. Both were alive.

This wasn’t over yet.

Kaneki felt anxious as never, and when Touka removed her hand from her lips an incredible feeling of relief engulfed him. If she took her hand away, it meant that she had his approval. He took a deep breath, hands trembling when Touka’s lips curved into a nostalgic and tender and beautiful smile, with her glossy eyes threatening a tear and Kaneki knew this was the moment, it was now or never, and he wanted it more than anything else in the world.

He leaned in a little closer, their foreheads touching with delicacy… Kaneki couldn’t fight against the thoughts that were going through him. Her vanilla fragrance was flooding every single one of his senses, and for the very first time, Kaneki knew that he was doing the right thing. He bent over a bit more, tilting his face to one side, and Touka’s eyes fell shut with anticipation when Kaneki’s lips rested against hers. He opened his mouth, capturing her lips in a firm and milder stroke; he broke the kiss for a moment, breathing heavily as if he couldn’t believe what he just did. Both staring at each other’s lips with their foreheads united, and Kaneki continued. He tilted his face again and pressed his lips against her, harder now, this time his hand traveled down her back to pull her closer, to engulf her body in his arms and deepen the contact.

This time his tongue caressed her lower lip, getting an intense sight out of her. His lips felt cold and sweet, his arms around her felt like home, the small place that for so long she tried to chase, and now she had found it. She found it. She raised her hands and her fingertips traced a soft pattern on his cheek, forcing him to deepen the kiss, his warm breathing staining her skin when she opened her lips, the softness of his tongue catching hers, the caress of his nose tickling her face. Touka, he whispered slowly, prolonging each letter as if to savor them, every letter of her name being tasted in his lips the same way a king honors his queen.

When the kiss comes to an end, only his lips abandon her. His arms were still looped around her, his forehead was still resting against hers, but his eyes were closed. Touka opened hers, touching his chin, and Kaneki let out a deep sigh, smiling.

His smile was beautiful, even more with his eyes shut.

“You have no idea how long I've wanted to do this,” he admitted.

Touka smiled.

“You’re an idiot.”

Kaneki’s laughter filled the streets with life.

**—o—**

When Touka arrived at :re very late in the night, she was surprised to find the lights on.

With a stupid smile and Kaneki’s jacket still resting on her back, Touka closed the door and raised both brows at finding Yomo drinking a coffee in complete silence, sitting behind the counter with a book on the table.

“Oh, Yomo,” she greeted, smiling softly. “What are you doing still awake?”

He frowned, doubtful.

“Why were you so late? I was waiting for you, I got worried.”

She giggled, shuffling around.

“I wasn’t alone, grumpy-old-man. I’m here, go to sleep,” she said, walking lazily towards the aisle that led to her room. She stopped, looking around. “By the way, where’s Nishiki?”

Yomo sighed, shoving his book aside.

“He and Tsukiyama went to take Hori home, they haven’t returned.”

“Oh, well, if you see him, tell him I say thanks,” Touka moved forward through the hallways, hearing Yomo’s distant voice coming out from the shop.

“By the way!” he screamed before Touka could arrive at her room. “How did it go your date with Ken?!”

She smiled, turning around to scream in response.

“I’ll tell you tomorrow, _uncle!”_

Touka chuckled, already picturing Yomo’s expression after being called uncle.

“H-Hey!”

When Touka shut the door and dressed with her pajama, she found something curious lying over her pillow. She sat on the bed, leaning over, and on top of the mattress, there was the picture that Hori took hours ago when Kaneki arrived at the shop. She took the paper in her hands, her heart throbbing furiously at the scene embodied in the picture: Kaneki in front of her, both staring at each other's eyes, while he’s holding her hair behind her ear. She smiled, letting herself fall into the bed with the picture pressed against her heart.

“I knew you’d come back, Kaneki,” she whispered with her eyes closed.

She had faith in him.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I had so much fun writing this! Many people got very excited when I said I wanted to write their first date, so here it is.
> 
> Regarding Tsukiyama, I didn't want to omit his love for Kaneki, I think we all know how he feels about him, but I also wanted to portrait him as someone that despite his own feelings, will always look out for Kaneki's happiness, if Touka makes him happy, then he will be there to support himelp him the best way he can.  
> and help him the best way he can. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this, remember to follow me on my tumblr, @ladywongs, for more touken updates!


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